Compelled

Confession: I’m with the Big Guy

In Compelled, I just wrote about how I’ve wrestled with the call to Latin America to do mission work.  Within the past few months, God revealed that the timing wasn’t quite right, though.  Here’s one of the letters…

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Dear Poppy,

Wow!  There is so much that we have to talk about!  Before I begin, though, I would like to specify one thing: the whole purpose of this journaling session is to help me let go of certain things of my life right now.

The truth is that I’m really doubting whether or not I should go to Peru.  Honestly, it seems as though you’ve made my decision for me–staying and going to Italy with Campus Crusades.

I read Katie’s blog and listen to David Platt, but even without those, Lord, I feel you calling me to Latin America.  All that Katie talks about, being challenged to grow in her relationship with you through the cost of her mission work and the dedication of her life to you…

Lord, I want all of these because I’m tired of struggling with all the themes of society that prevent me from living for you.  I know that there will be many and even harder trials once I leave the States, but at least they will be beyond the conflicts of self-image, dating, school, etc…

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This is where the entry ended.  To read more about what was going on at the time, click here to read my post on Compelled.

Thanks for reading!  Praying your day is filled with Sonshine,

Sarah

This weekend has been absolutely beautiful!  The weather has been in the seventies with a gentle breeze and shining sun.  I wish it could stay like this forever.

Yesterday while I was running around campus, I just had to stop.  Everything around me was so beautiful, and all I wanted to do was soak up every ray of sunshine that filtered through the barren trees and warmed my winter skin.

What I realized in that moment of rest was that it is so easy for me to praise you in times like this: when everything in the world seems perfect and right, when all is as I believe it should be, and when the only thing that I have to worry about is absolutely nothing.

Instead of loving You with an overflowing heart on just these days, Poppy, I pray that You will teach me how to run to you especially when the weather is dreary.  After all, I can’t imagine a warmer or more comforting place to be than in Your loving arms!

Sorry, Poppy, that it has been so long since I last wrote, but I’m back to writing again.  You’ve brought me back to writing here.

I love you so much, and I’ll be looking for You even harder as the little taste of spring weather is traded back in for winter clouds.

With all of my warmest love,

Sissy

Yesterday afternoon, I watched the movie The Gospel of John with a friend of mind.  My heavenly Father, thank you so much for allowing me to see this movie!  Within the relatively short span of three hours, I followed along with the dialogue and read through the whole book of John.

Through actually watching the Gospel reenacted, Lord, I felt my love for Your Son, my Savior, grow even more.  As I watched the young woman wash Jesus’ feet with two bottles of perfume and her own hair, tears filled my eyes.

From watching this scene, I realized that this woman did not love Jesus because of His physical appearance or wealth and neither was she concerned about her own physical appearance.  Rather, she bowed at Jesus’ feet and washed away the dirt fromHis feet with her hair.  That woman loved Jesus from a wellspring of devotion and of complete belief.  She is the model for which I wish to grow even more in devotion to You and Your Son.

Thank you, Poppy!  I pray that I will live fully in this day with the joy and hope that I have in You!

In warmest love and devotion,

Sissy

Did you know that it is impossible to get exhausted in doing My work?  This may sound quite ridiculous because you are wondering, How could I not become exhausted? Sissy, you will only become exhausted whenever you try to do My work in your own way.

In order to stay refreshed in doing My work, always come to Me in prayer.  I will give you the strength, the power, and the grace in order to complete your task, but, Sissy, you must come to Me.

Do you remember that one verse in Isaiah that is one of your mom’s favorites?  It is Isaiah 30:15, and it says, “In return and in rest, you shall be saved.  In quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”

Return to Me, Sissy.  Rest in My ever-living Presence.  Once you take a moment out of your work, even if it is for Me, I can help you regain your perspective.  Only by trusting Me will there ever be peace in the depths of your soul.

Remember Psalm 23:1-3.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

Come to Me, your Poppy, and I will restore your soul.  I love you, and I am so proud of you.  For the moment of our heavenly reunion, I am waiting.

Poppy

Yesterday, I was reading in one of my journals from September.  I came across this one entry, and I wanted to share it because it spoke of the beauty that You give your creation.

September 29,2009

the Lawn of Barnes and Noble

“Today is such a beautiful day!  I cannot fathom how any single person could look upon the beauty around them–this day filled with purpose and promise–and not see Your face shining upon them.

Life is beautiful.  Even the pains of loneliness, of grief, and of death, even these are beautiful for it is the human heart’s capacity to feel them that make these pains beautiful.

Of this, I am convinced.  It is not the beauty of the craft–the degree of its perfection, the enrapturing quality of its exterior–yet it is the sacrifice in the craftsmanship, the great love of the Maker, that makes all beautiful.  For in the creation of everything beautiful, there was a great sacrifice of great love.

I look at those around me.  We all come from different places, different backgrounds.  We speak different languages; we eat different foods.  We even go home to different places.  But throughout the course of everyday living, we are all unknowingly living a miracle.  We are the miracle.

It doesn’t matter whether or not we realize it, but this world is the workings of a purpose and a glory much greater than ourselves.  That purpose and that glory is You.”

Poppy, thank you for making me beautiful, not by my physical appearance, but by Your very presence dwelling within my soul, by Your gift of great love, and the sacrifice of Your Son.

Forever, I am loving you,

sissy

Examples of His Beauty in my life:

“Let the children come to me for to them belongs the Kingdom of Heaven” (Mt 19:14)

Ephesians 5:8, “Now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of the Light.”

I know you are trying to sleep, but I must talk to you first.  I’m sorry for having interrupted your rest with a restless body and mind, but I can be impatient sometimes.  When I see the opportunity to talk to you, I snatch up the opportunity!

Whenever I give you task to complete, remember to look to Me for praise.  As you know, this fallen world can cut you down and beat you up, yet still expect you to finish at the top.  If you run in this Rat Race searching for praise, you will find yourself tired and wondering why you were racing in the first place.

On Earth, others don’t always see that it is I working within and benefiting from your tasks.  If I have called you, though, remember that this calling will succeed, regardless of what your peers believe, say, or do.  Therefore, align your heart, mind, body, and spirit to Me.  In this way, it is much easier to focus yourself completely on Me.

Remember to live in each day that I give you.  Don’t worry about tomorrow, because I am preparing you today for your life of tomorrow, the next day and even the next day.  It’s all about keeping perspective!

Sissy, stay with Me!  I will never lead you astray.  ”Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you!”  Though you may not feel the assurance of My Presence just yet, remain faithful in waiting.  Once you are ready to receive My Spirit, all of your doubts will wash away, and you will be left with one conviction: I, the Lord your God, have great plans for you!

I love you, My Sweet Sissy.  Rest well with My angels surrounding your bed.

Poppy

Last night, I was flipping through the pages of my Bible.  I have been trying to read it all the way through, but I am only in Numbers.  No offense, God, but Leviticus was a desert to get through… haha no pun inteded .

Anyways, I wanted to tell you of a memory I have from Sunday School when I was in 6th grade.  Before that day, I can remember thinking of the Bible as this boring, huge, and dusty book that held words of ancient wisdom.  The Bible, I was sure, was a book that wasn’t meant to entertain, enthrall, or certainly not seduce.

My teacher asked us to yell out our favorite types of stories or movies.  Voices saying “bloodshed,” comedy,” romance,” and more floated in the air.  Then, my teacher changed my view of the Bible completely.  As she began to raise her Bible in the air, she told us, “This book, the Bible, is filled with any and every kind of story that you could ever want to read.  Do you want to read about war?  It’s all in the Old Testament!  What about a passionate romance?  Look no further than Song of Songs.  What about something strange?  Just as one example, there is a talking donkey in Numbers.”

After hearing this, it made you seem so much cooler!  It sounds silly and superficial, but seriously!  As a young sixth grader, I learned that You as my Father were not just some spirit that talked with “thou” and “thee” in every sentence.  

Thank you, Poppy, for teaching me so much of who You are through the Bible.  I pray that you will help me to appreciate every single word on those holy pages.

I love you! xoxoxox,

Sissy girl

There have been times when you have asked me, “God, why can’t I just know what I should do?  Why can’t there be a simple formula for me to have the perfect life?”

Well, Sissy, this is not My will.  Part of learning how to trust Me is learning that you can’t always know the answer.

When you were little, do you remember how much you loved being surprised by your Christmas presents?  Can you imagine, though, if your parents had told you everything that you had gotten the night before?  When you had woken up on Christmas morning, you would have already known whether or not you had gotten the Polly Pocket that you wanted or if your brother had gotten the PlayStation.

This applies to My keeping parts of your life a mystery.  Your life is a gift, but in order for you to fully appreciate it, you can only unwrap certain parts of it at certain times in your life.

You say that you want to know how your life will be, but what if I did tell you?  What if I came to you and said, “My Child, you are going to ………” and told you your whole life story?  Would you be disappointed?  Would you still appreciate those events when they happened?  Would you learn the lessons that needed to be learned?  Would you actually live your life in freedom?  Would you regret having asked in the first place?

As your Father, I can say with honesty that I believe you would lose sight of the joy of living.

Therefore, live in the freedom of not knowing!  Rejoice in the fact that I know everything and that I will reveal everything that you need to know when the timing is right.

Even when Satan tries to pull the wool over your eyes, I am still in control.   There is beauty in uncertainty for it is a time when you must learn to rely on Me completely.

There is beauty in having Faith just as there is beauty in My perfect timing.

With all of My creation, I love you.

-Poppy

Today at First Baptist Church in Starkville, two missionaries–a husband and wife with their children–from Honduras spoke.  When I walked through the doors, I was feeling called for something.  When I left through the very same doors, I knew that I was being called for something radical.

Poppy, I am only eighteen years old, yet I feel you tugging at my life.  For so long, school has been my priority.  Now, I realize that even that has kept me from placing You first in my life.

So where do I go from here?  Within my body, I have this desire to drop every single thing in my life.  So badly, I desire to sell all of my stuff and to leave for a Latin American country in order to serve You through serving Your people.

For all of my life, I have been devoted to myself: my own success, my own desires, my own self-image, my own this, my own that.  Lord, am I crazy that I don’t care about these things anymore?

Am I crazy or am I finally sane?

Once again, Poppy, I find myself in a place where I do not know, but I have faith that You do.  I know that when the timing is right, You will reveal Your will for my life.

Take me, Poppy.  You are my One and only Love.  I want to be fully abandoned to You and to You only.

With all of who You have created me to be, I am loving You and longing for You always.

Love,

sissy girl

This morning when I woke up, the first I did was check the status of my two blogs.  When I saw the statistics for each one, I felt disappointed.  Only 12 people visited both this site and my other site yesterday!

Lord, I did not stay disappointed for long.  These blogs are part of my ministry for You.  Just like all other gifts, I offer these blogs up to You.  Please take these, Poppy, and help them to grow.  Show Your people that I am merely a single part of Your body of Christ.  Sure, I can write these words that You give me, but I need help from the other members of the Body in order to spread them.

There are other people out there today that are feeling tired or not appreciated.  Today, please encouraged by Philippians 2:13, 15:

“It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.  In the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the Word of life”

Please let Your grace fall upon us and fill our every weakness and doubt.  Poppy, I pray that you never let us grow tired in doing Your will.  We need Your grace to do good.

I love you!

Sissy girl